Heart Roller Coaster

Tonight I’m writing with a heavy heart, all squinked up and small, just days after my heart felt like the Grinch’s at the end of the story, where it grows 3 sizes in one day.  A Mom’s heart has to be pretty elastic for the many ups and downs of raising a baby to a boy to a man.

The sheer joy of his birth.

The times when he cried and continued to cry after I had fed him, burped him, changed him, rocked him and bounced him.  (So I cried with him.)

His cute little gummy grin.  His first tooth…marking the end of the gummy grin.

The funny, silly way he said things; the way he put words together.

The time he tearfully sobbed, “Momma, you hurt my heart.”

Learning to ride a bike.

Crashing the bike and getting a huge owie–as his dad put it: “he left part of his knee at the end of the driveway.”

Finding out how academically talented he is.

Finding the work he hadn’t turned in, in his locker.

Playing the “you WILL be in music in middle school” card, he picks band, ends up with trumpet, hates the trumpet and wants to quit band.

“Pick a different instrument.”  He falls in love with saxophone.

Learning to drive, getting his license.

Watching him drive out of the driveway the first time on his way to school at 6am.

High school: alto sax, soprano sax, tenor and bari, clarinet, oboe, flute and euphonium.  Marching Band, 3 Concert Bands, top Jazz Band.

Girls.  Nuff said.

Acceptance to a university, oboe and sax auditions, acceptance to the university’s school of music.  A state-wide honor (or honour, using the British spelling he prefers) band, an amazing alto sax feature with Spectrum, the jazz band.

And today.  I found out he had changed dorms, not necessarily for the better.  We had a text discussion over Facebook postings and what growing up is and is not.  Times like this when I feel compelled to let the air out of his exuberance raises little barriers between us.  He chose to stay at his dad’s tonight to let things settle out a bit. 

He’s an awesome kid.  He’s accomplished so much, has a pretty good plan for his future–all the way to a doctorate.  He’s always been so easy.  Days like this, when some sort of guidance must come from me and is not exactly well received, well, they hurt my heart.  I know this is what parenting is at times, and I know I’ve been amazingly lucky.  I also know we love each other the most-mostest, and the barriers will go away.  New ones will happen, but love, and maybe a cup of coffee, will help us keep taking them back down.  So proud to be his Mom.  <3

Tags: growing up, love, parenting, raising kids, tears and joy, ups and downs

My Yard, Dressed for Fall

Today, I was going through my phone, moving and deleting pictures, and came across a group of fall color pictures.  I took them while we were blowing out the sprinkler system.  My job is watching the last sprayer or dripper on a line to be done dripping while Michael has to hold the air compressor hose at the start of the line.  This takes a while, but I get to move around where Michael is just stuck where he is.  I amused myself by playing photographer, having the best intentions to use them in a blog post when they were freshly taken.  Ah well, fall is also marching band season, a super busy time for a band mom. 

It was fun remembering how vivid the colors were, especially in the midst of a grey and taupe time of year.  And so, I invite you to marinate in the warm hues of my autumnal landscape.

Let’s start with the only crabapple that survived the spring frost…three crabapple trees, one crabapple.

These are Mexican Sunflowers.  This plant changes its position each year–resulting in a yearly re-do of the drip system to adjust for sprinklers to get around this tall, tall plant.

I have two hedge maples; they have a weird corky bark and are the last trees to turn color each year.  When they drop their leaves, you can see the sparrow nests–two or three in each tree–sparrow condos!

My ginnala clump maple turns bright purple overnight and drops all of its leaves just a couple days later.  You can see the majority of the leaves already on the ground, creating a violet skirt in the grass.

This aspen is so happy.  It shouldn’t be, aspens hate growing here in the valley.  It never gets as golden as a mountain aspen, but it tries.

I worked all the way to the closing day at the Greenhouse this year.  I’m such a sucker for bloomy things; I couldn’t resist the cheery color of this mum.

Or these.

Meet  the autumn purple ash.  It’s a baby tree and this is the first year I’ve seen it change color.  It has so few leaves, that it seems to turn and drop in a matter of hours.

I planted this cottonwood 14 or 15 years ago.  It was just a rooted stick we got from a friend then.  Now it’s home to a family of orioles every summer; they build their hanging pocket nest way up at the tippy top of the tree.

And finally, my favorite picture.  How beautiful are strawberries after a frost?

I think it would be fun to take pictures of every season.  I’ll wait for a warmish day and look for something interesting hidden in the grey and taupe.  Then I’ll come in and warm up with a cup of coffee while I blog (in a more timely fashion).

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Tags: aspen, autumn, cottonwood, crabapple, Fall, fall color, fall photos, maple, mums, trees

Where I’m From

With the recent passing of my Mom, I’ve been immersing myself in memories, keeping her alive in my heart.  We didn’t always get along or agree on things, but Mom is the single biggest influence on who I am.  Some years ago, I assigned my students to write a poem with a particular structure–The “Where I’m From” poem.  Even though they have a set format, they are cathartic and beautiful.  I wrote one as an example, and came across it just this week.  Great memories of Mom here.

I am from clothes on the line and starched collars, from a 7-Up bottle with a sprinkling lid, wetting wrinkles out of my dad’s shirts and Mom’s capris.

I am from a banister, sliding down with my sister when my parents weren’t looking.

I’m from the smell of mock orange in the spring, its pretty white petals like snow when seen from the branches of the climbing tree.

I am from a gang of kids playing cowboys and indians through the alleys, splashing barefoot through puddles and feeding breadcrumbs to ducks at the park.

I am from cornflakes with banana slices in Grandma’s kitchen, the fins of Grandpa’s tan Chevy, and their fancy aluminum Christmas tree.

I am from wait til your father gets home, from I’m your mother, that’s why.

I’m from fudge cooled in the snow, entire pans of Rice Crispy Treats eaten in front of The Partridge Family and sauerbraten with gingersnap gravy.

I am from First Communion, Confirmation and Christmas Midnight Mass; a veil over my blond braids every Sunday.

In a brown leather album, my mom kept for me, I am the baby who grew into a girl who vacationed, had birthdays in the park and sat with my cousins on a couch.

Here’s the very first picture in that brown leather album.  Mom and me, 1959.

Before she died, Mom and I called each other every week to have a cup of coffee together across the miles between our houses.  Have a cup of coffee with your mom this week, if you can.

Tags: family, memories, Mom, where I'm from poem

Gifts: Then and Now

I attended a Pampered Chef party a couple of weeks ago and today, my order was delivered!  It felt like Christmas morning, opening up the various cardboard and plastic containers, revealing my new goodies.  All too soon, all packages were open and I had a pile of empty containers and a display of shiny kitchen accoutrements.  I turned each over in my hands, admiring the clear, easy-to-read markings on the measuring cups, the edge and blade guard of the knife.  Just like Christmas, I have left them out so I can delight in them each time I pass by.  I just can’t bear to hide them away in cupboards and drawers just yet. 

When this comparison occured to me, I was inspired to take a picture of my culinary treasures on a holiday mat.

The child or teenage me would never be excited over measuring cups or a cookie scoop.  Well, maybe if they came along with an Easy Bake Oven.  But still.  I’ve been thinking about how my priorities have changed as I’ve aged.  As a kid, I carefully studied the Sears toy catalog, constructing a list for Santa.  I looked forward to a fabulous coconut-covered cake for my birthday and more toys.  The teenage me loved getting clothes.  Then I went away to college, got married, moved to an apartment and finally a house.

I remember the first washer/dryer I owned.  I was so, so happy to not have to go to a laundromat anymore.  My latest new washer and dryer–front loaders on pedestals–were ordered as part of a New Year’s sale and delivered months later while I was at work.  I hugged them when I saw them.  Yes, I hugged an appliance. 

This year for my birthday, friends got me absolutely the cutest measuring spoons ever–shaped like flowers, each spoon a different pastel color!  I love-love-love them!  I’m hoping for a new stove or maybe a cool leather chair I saw at IKEA for Christmas this year.  Pampered Chef catalog or IKEA catalog=Sears toy catalog?  Yup.  Same kid, different toys.  New toys are always fun! 

Lest you think that I’m all about the toys of life, I’d like to share the best gift I ever received:  a private saxophone concert from Mr17, who was 15 at the time.  He learned a new piece, part of a concerto written by his favorite composer, explaining the significance of the 4 movements, including the one he played for me.  Everytime I hear the piece, I’m back on my couch, Mr15, his soprano sax and music stand in the corner, playing just for me. 

Other gifts that mean the world to me?  The people in my life–friends, family-loved ones all.  Each visit, each hug, each smile, each kiss are gifts that enrich every moment. A gift I’m giving myself right now is attending a warm yoga class every Tuesday and Thursday morning.  The first meadowlark call of the spring, hummingbirds fighting over the feeder, the first tomato of the season, lazily drifting snowflakes on a grey morning, thunderstorms circling the valley, scrunching through big piles of leaves breathing in their warm scent.  Delicious food and wine.  Mr17′s marching band performing.  Kissing the hubby good morning or good night. 

So many, many gifts each day.  I have so much to be grateful for.  What are you grateful for?

Tags: aging, change, family, gifts, gratitude, Pampered Chef, priorities

Busy-ness, Moonlight Hikes and Life

I’m retired.  Somehow, my idea of retirement and the reality are two very different things.  I had envisioned lazy days with an extra cup of coffee, watching birds at the feeders, reading books, blogging, puttering around the house and garden, cooking,….. 

The reality has in part, been altered by my decision to go with the “high deductable” insurance plan.  Usually healthy me had big adventures with kidney stones and now needs to work a bit to pay the deductable.  Sigh.

AND.  I’m a band mom.  On the board of our Band Parents organization.  It’s Marching Band season.  Don’t get me wrong–I absolutely ADORE marching band, but this is a super busy time of year, with band camp, meetings, fundraisers, marching competitions, half-time performances, more fundraising, more meetings….you get the idea.

AND.  The garden I love is loving me back.  A lot.  I nixed a trip to Denver this weekend because I needed to make pasta sauce from the tomatoes, do SOMETHING with at least some of the zucchini and make more hummus from green beans that were once again getting away from me.  This would be groovy if it weren’t for needing to work 2 days a week and keep up with the stuff I need to do for band.

Sigh.  So, last night I sat on the couch, freshly showered and working on a zucchini bread (how I decided to deal with the zucchini!) post for my other blog.  I keep Facebook running in the background (because I’m that kind of social, and I was monitoring the Band Parents page I administer) and noticed an open invite from a friend, suggesting a moonlight hike on the Colorado National Monument.  After checking to see how Michael might feel about that and a few back and forth comments,  I left the blog post unfinished, we got spontaneous and went for a hike! 

The weather was warm, but not like it is under the scorching sun.  Clouds wandered around and covered the full moon from time to time.  We found a section of slickrock between the trail switchbacks, laid on our backs and watched the stars and clouds, hoping for a glimpse of the International Space Station or a meteor from the Perseid shower.  We used cell phone apps to identify stars.  I found out that a cell phone camera does not capture what the eye can see in the dark, but a pretty image was captured, nonetheless.

 

 

The wind came up, covering us with grit, but we laughed and chatted and ended up drinking blueberry wine as a nightcap.  We could have spent the evening watching DVR-ed TV or Food Network or whatever, but look at the fun and relaxing time with friends we would have missed!  We are not spontaneous.  We are schedulers–partly due to being a bit over-scheduled with “stuff”, but somehow feel the need to have a plan no matter.  It was somehow rejuvenating being spontaneous! 

John Lennon wrote, “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.”   I’m glad I listened when Life gave me an opportunity last night.  I’m keeping and ear out from now on.

 

Tags: band mom, life, moonlight hiking, over-scheduled, reality of retirement, working after retirement

Gee Whiz Geocaching!

My good friend Carol is a geocaching fanatic.  She regularly takes off, day or night, with GPS and Android phone in hand in search of tiny camoflaged capsules.  Adventure abounds and breathtaking scenery awaits on these techy Easter egg hunts. 

Lovely spring-like weather and the promise of a great hike lured DH and I out to Bangs Canyon with Carol and her DH today.  Slickrock was tread, mud and snowfields were forged, and caches were found!  The caches ranged from little pill bottle-sized containers wrapped in camo duct tape found hanging in trees to a bolt cover that looked suspiciously lichen-like drilled into a rock, to an ammo container hid under rocks in an overhang that had to be scrambled to.  Great adventure, so much fun, amazing views.

We could see pretty much the entire Grand Valley.  San Juans to the south, The Grand Mesa to the East, the Bookcliffs and Roan Plateau to the Northeast.

Tiny pinon pines grow directly out of cracks in the lichen-spotted slickrock, where snow still lingers.

What an absolutely GLORIOUS day!  We plan to go caching again, this time with the added draw of a wine and cheese picnic.  Who knows, maybe Carol will get me sucked into caching on my own; although, a big part of the fun today was sharing the hike and the views with good friends.

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Tags: Bangs Canyon, Colorado, friends, geocaching, Grand Valley, hiking

A Hike with Three Women of a Certain Age

My friends Carol and Adele and I went for a hike today in No Thoroughfare Canyon in the Colorado National Monument.  We are so lucky to have this gem of wild canyons and beautiful plateaus just minutes from town.  It was a beautiful clear late winter day and we heard the falls were running.

And they were running–behind the ice.  The air was warm in the sun, crisp in the shadows.  We took a crooked trail up the canyon, avoiding mud and pools of water, admiring the beautiful scenery.  It was just so great to be oudoors after being cooped up all winter.  All of this made a really lovely day. 

What made it spectacular was hiking with two other intelligent women, with similar political and philosophical views to mine, and the wisdom that comes from being in the prime of our lives.  How lovely to have spirited conversations ranging from cooking to the pros and cons of The Monument becoming a National Park.  How fun to be scrambling over rocks at my age!  I had to stop and laugh at some of the paths the three of us were forced to take by the trail conditions.  Here I am with plantar fasciitis, iliotibial band issues and the lessening balance that just happens as one ages.  But you know what?  I did just fine.  In fact I feel younger as a result of the hike, the conversation, and the laughter.  And then as if the day wasn’t already just perfect….Adele made a Chocolate Cardamom Fallen Souffle earlier in the day and brought us each a piece.  Uber-Perfect.

Here.  Hike along with us.  Photos taken by me(!), channeling my inner Carol, with my Blackberry Curve!

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Tags: Colorado National Monument, friends, hiking, scenery, waterfalls