Letting go….

11 May

Who knew letting go would be so hard?  Letting go of control over the library I’ve helped to mold into a welcoming, comfortable environment for learning and creativity.  Letting go of daily encounters with a staff that has become like family.  Letting go of the professional me.   When I’m in my library, I feel smart.  I feel needed.  I feel valued.  Some days, I even feel like “super librarian.”  Who will I be June 2nd?  Someone who used to be a librarian?   What IS that?   Will my connection to my professional self become like the soft frayed fabric of my jeans; closer to completely tearing with every wash, a hole where the knee used to be? 

I’ll miss professional me, but I’ll miss my “family” the most.  They are passionate–about their jobs, their kids, each other.  I have been so lucky to be a part of them.  Leaving them is leaving a hole in my heart.  I refuse to completely let go of them and really, I suppose the professional me will still be lurking around, ready to pop back out as needed.

Y’know, after the initial shock at the tear, I always get used to the holes in my jeans.  I even like them.  I can’t wear them to work, though.  Starting June 2, that won’t matter.  Each morning, I’ll be enjoying my second cup of coffee in my jammies, and wearing my holey jeans whenever I want–hopefully when I can go out for a “beverage” or two to stay in touch with my “family.”

5 Responses to “Letting go….”

  1. Carol May 11, 2010 at 6:12 am #

    Sounds like you are about to embrace the transition. Journeys are all about transitions… and beginnings. Perhaps this is really the beginning of … the beginning. Let’s have a second cup of coffee, watch the sun come up, and think about it 🙂

  2. Adele May 11, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    I think it will be a wonderful adventure discovering who you are without your job. You will be amazed to find there is a whole, vibrant you that exists independent of the working you. Embrace and enjoy ever part of this change–even the sad ones.

  3. contoveros May 11, 2010 at 1:23 pm #

    Don’t retire. Re-inspire as you seem to want to do with this Blog.

    Will check back on the third of June to see how you’re holding up.

    michael j
    enjoying the “afterlife.”

  4. Janet Karzmark May 11, 2010 at 2:30 pm #

    I hope you love retirement, Heidi! I’ll keep reading if you keep writing~ Janet

  5. Pam May 12, 2010 at 8:55 am #

    Take time to enjoy sleeping in during a season OTHER than summer. Enjoy your cozy jammies in winter . . . with your second cup of coffee and a good book. Or–travel somewhere during the school year! Look at the trees change in Vermont! Relax . . . enjoy . . .

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