Partly Worried With A Chance of Panic

24 May

So.  We’ve had a run of greywindyrainycool weather lately, and all the dreariness has taken up residence in my head.  The result?  Partly worried with a chance of panic.  I’m worried about how already 5-years-retired DH will adjust to me being in the house more often.  A lot more often.  He has a sort of schedule he follows—will I fit in there?  Will I be in the way?  Will he be resentful if errands don’t get run, email doesn’t get answered, finances don’t get managed because I got a wild hair and decided we should go buy a new tree or something?  Will I be resentful if he needs to get his email answered when I want him to come out and play with me?

Will I lose track of my school and library friends?  What will I talk about at parties with them?  We always commiserate about stuff going on at our respective schools.  OMG!  I’m going to be like our spouses who feel excluded from the conversations!  Ack!!!!  Should have been more understanding of THAT—hindsight!

And what about money?  A pension is not the same money you make being a 26-year employee with a master’s degree in a large school district.  We don’t have a ton of bills hanging over our heads, but less is still less.  And, Mr. 15 is on the verge of a driver’s license, and moving ever closer to college.

Breathe. 

OK.  So I feel a bit better just writing this all down—after all, it’s only a few paragraphs—not nearly so insurmountable as it had been when it was just lurking around in my head.  I’m feeling the need to balance out the panic with some reality.  On to the stuff I’m NOT worried about.

It’ll be OK.  Lots of people retire and live to tell about it.  Many of them even enjoy retirement!  I know I’ll be busy; I’ve joined the Band Parent’s Board of Mr. 15’s high school, the greenhouse wants me to work more hours, we have a lot of landscaping to repair now that the addition is complete.  I have a ton of the usual “oh, I’ll clean out the storage shed when I’m retired” stuff.  We want to travel and visit friends and new places.  I’ve promised to go play in friends’ libraries and bring them mochas.

I will have the freedom to not be TOO busy.  I’m definitely not going to be too busy to have that second cup of coffee and listen to the birds welcome the morning.

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One Response to “Partly Worried With A Chance of Panic”

  1. Adele May 24, 2010 at 5:19 pm #

    If Michael won’t go out to play, I will – after the whole wedding thing is over. The trick is not to expect your spouse to meet all of your needs. You two will figure out how to make the new reality work for each of you. Only two more contact days left!!

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